Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
