So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
