So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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