toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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