i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
