This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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