last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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