I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
