literally had 100 drinks last night.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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