my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
