Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
