I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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