I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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