I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize