my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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