The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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