I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize