Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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