let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
