She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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