The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
