Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
