He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
