I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this will be a night to untag.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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