I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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