He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
