All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Your cock deserves a montage
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize