Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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