TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
