I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
