You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize