I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
