How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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