just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
