Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
