Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
