can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
