when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
