We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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