When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
