I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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