I think I won the penis lottery.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
