just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
