i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize