i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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