ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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