I'm going to jail i love you
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
