just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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