A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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