I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
