apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
