the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
