you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
