I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
