Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
