People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
