I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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