i jhust puked up my retainher.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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