apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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