I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
