I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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