nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize