i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
