I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
