I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
