we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
someone owes me an orgasm
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
