the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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