yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
