Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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