EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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