We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
