Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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