Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
