I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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