He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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