so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize