I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
