I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
